he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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