she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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