Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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