So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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