piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
