Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
