I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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