I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
