I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
