if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
