even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
