He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize