Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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