i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
