Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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