You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
