I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't turn off my feet"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
