NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
