You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
