i think my tv is drunk
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
50% drunk capacity currently
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
