There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
