dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
