talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
