i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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