I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize