This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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