i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
