i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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