nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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