I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
