Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
worst night to have a conscience
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
COCAINE IS GR8
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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