Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
