I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
