this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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