I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
