Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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