Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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