Don't you send me to vm
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
