the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
