ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
