I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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