I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
