I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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