help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
