you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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