dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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