hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
