just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
