I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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