No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Even my vagina gasped.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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