You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize