They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
