saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
