I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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