Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Terrible idea I love it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize