Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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