I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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