Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
