Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
