..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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