a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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