Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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