I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
