yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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